Mother's Day

Sunday, May 14, 2017

I would be lying if I didn't say that Mother's Day is a struggle for me. And I know I'm not the only one struggling today. There are mothers who've lost children, and children who've lost their mothers. And there are the woman like me, who are waiting. Some days patiently, and some days impatiently. 

In my life plan, I would have been a mother by now. Since we began our adoption journey the fact that it's not about my plan has become more and more evident. But on days like today, knowing that there's a plan can only do so much. Watching the mothers get their flowers at church and seeing all the posts on Facebook are like tiny little pin pricks in my heart. One of the little girls at church today turned to me after service and said, "aren't you a mother?" Pretty simple question, but boy did it pierce.

I want to be a mother. I want tiny arms around my neck, and I want to kiss scraped knees. I want to clean up puke and I want to go to work on only 2 hours of sleep because someone had a nightmare or just couldn't sleep.

This isn't a pity party - my life isn't on hold because we're waiting for our children. My marriage is stronger, I get to spoil my nephew without my own children getting jealous. I have amazing people in my life, and I don't feel "incomplete." 

But I do think we need to encourage conversation. I'm not the only one who struggled with infertility. Who spent years wondering what was wrong with me. So if you're struggling, you're not alone. There's a plan for you too. 

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