Rejection.

We have now officially been waiting parents for a little over a month. The past month has completely flown by! (I think November always flies as an adult though, because December means Christmas and Christmas means a ton of extra things to get done.) Our home study has been put forward twice now, and both times we were not selected. If I'm being completely honest we didn't expect to get selected. We were told upfront that part of the selection process includes how long you've been waiting, and we know that there are families who've been waiting for years. It definitely lessened the blow, but it still wasn't easy to read the emails.

Right now I'm still able to convince myself that we weren't selected because of how recently we were approved. Once a couple months pass though I worry a little about how I'm going to react. Will I blame myself? Wonder why whoever is reading the report doesn't think I would be a good mother? Will Jonathan blame me? Will I blame him?

Are we strong enough to withstand those doubts? YES.

Is it going to be hard? Is it going to test us? I'm sure it is. But our kids are out there. Maybe they're already in foster care, maybe they haven't even been born yet. But I truly believe that there is a reason we felt that adoption was the path for us. We are meant to be here, meant to be on this journey. Our home study is going forward again, maybe these are our children. But if they're not, that's okay, because this is our journey. And someday we're going to be parents.

xo.

World Adoption Day.

Happy world adoption day!

This is the third year we've celebrated World Adoption Day. 

"World Adoption Day is a day to celebrate family.   World Adoption Day is a day to raise awareness for adoption.   World Adoption Day is a day to raise funds to support families in their adoption.   Ambassadors from all over the world are organizing events and parties, bringing together people from all walks of life to celebrate World Adoption Day.   Join us as we create a day to celebrate the power and beauty of family brought together through adoption."


The first year we weren't celebrating for ourselves, but for family who were on their own adoption  journey. And last year was our first year doing it for us and our kids. It's pretty easy to participate, even if you're not adopting yourself. just draw a smiley face on your hand and post it with the hashtag #WorldAdoptionDay. I know it seems like a silly little thing, but to someone who's on this journey it means a lot to see your support - even if we already know you support us 100% - and it's also amazing for us to see how many other families are coming together through adoption. 

For those interested in an update about our journey... We have exciting news! Our home study is being put forward for the first time this month. Our social worker has been very upfront with us, and the chances of this child being our son/daughter is very unlikely, but it is still ridiculously exciting to know that we're even being considered at this point. We will also be attending a forum at the end of the month where we'll get to meet other approved & waiting families and learn about some of the children currently waiting. 

PS: Thank you all for being interested in our journey, the love and support seriously blow us away every time we post anything,

442 Days.

We're approved.

It took 442 days from our call to the Nova Scotia Adoption Line to the email containing the words, "Congratulations - you're approved." 442 days. One year, two months, and fifteen days. 

In some ways it felt like a ridiculously long time, and in other ways it felt like it flew by. Part of me felt like this part of the journey would take longer, it still feels a little surreal that it's over.

It's a weird feeling too, One that's hard to describe. We're approved, but we're not matched. We can't go out and start buying things for our future children - we don't know whether there will be one or two, girls or boys, or even what ages they'll be. There's no "Congratulations you're approved adoptive parents" greeting cards for people to buy us, no parties or showers. Not that people aren't excited for us, because they are. (So excited, especially Jonathan's mom.) But it's a weird limbo-like place we're in.

All that's left now is the wait. There are things we'll do while we wait (we still have multiple home renos on the go, and a pile of books about adoption) but there's no "next step." I've liked setting small goals, and having things to work towards. But that piece is done. And I think it's scaring me a little.

Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely thrilled to be where we are. I know that the process did move smoothly and fairly quickly for us, And I wouldn't change that for the world. But... I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say or how to put into words how I'm feeling right now. I think that's okay though. This is uncharted territory, and together Jonathan and I are going to figure out how to navigate through it. We might not be able to start picking out items for a nursery, but that doesn't mean we're not expectant parents. Every day we are one day closer to the day we get to meet our children.

This is our journey.