Rejection.

We have now officially been waiting parents for a little over a month. The past month has completely flown by! (I think November always flies as an adult though, because December means Christmas and Christmas means a ton of extra things to get done.) Our home study has been put forward twice now, and both times we were not selected. If I'm being completely honest we didn't expect to get selected. We were told upfront that part of the selection process includes how long you've been waiting, and we know that there are families who've been waiting for years. It definitely lessened the blow, but it still wasn't easy to read the emails.

Right now I'm still able to convince myself that we weren't selected because of how recently we were approved. Once a couple months pass though I worry a little about how I'm going to react. Will I blame myself? Wonder why whoever is reading the report doesn't think I would be a good mother? Will Jonathan blame me? Will I blame him?

Are we strong enough to withstand those doubts? YES.

Is it going to be hard? Is it going to test us? I'm sure it is. But our kids are out there. Maybe they're already in foster care, maybe they haven't even been born yet. But I truly believe that there is a reason we felt that adoption was the path for us. We are meant to be here, meant to be on this journey. Our home study is going forward again, maybe these are our children. But if they're not, that's okay, because this is our journey. And someday we're going to be parents.

xo.

World Adoption Day.

Happy world adoption day!

This is the third year we've celebrated World Adoption Day. 

"World Adoption Day is a day to celebrate family.   World Adoption Day is a day to raise awareness for adoption.   World Adoption Day is a day to raise funds to support families in their adoption.   Ambassadors from all over the world are organizing events and parties, bringing together people from all walks of life to celebrate World Adoption Day.   Join us as we create a day to celebrate the power and beauty of family brought together through adoption."


The first year we weren't celebrating for ourselves, but for family who were on their own adoption  journey. And last year was our first year doing it for us and our kids. It's pretty easy to participate, even if you're not adopting yourself. just draw a smiley face on your hand and post it with the hashtag #WorldAdoptionDay. I know it seems like a silly little thing, but to someone who's on this journey it means a lot to see your support - even if we already know you support us 100% - and it's also amazing for us to see how many other families are coming together through adoption. 

For those interested in an update about our journey... We have exciting news! Our home study is being put forward for the first time this month. Our social worker has been very upfront with us, and the chances of this child being our son/daughter is very unlikely, but it is still ridiculously exciting to know that we're even being considered at this point. We will also be attending a forum at the end of the month where we'll get to meet other approved & waiting families and learn about some of the children currently waiting. 

PS: Thank you all for being interested in our journey, the love and support seriously blow us away every time we post anything,

442 Days.

We're approved.

It took 442 days from our call to the Nova Scotia Adoption Line to the email containing the words, "Congratulations - you're approved." 442 days. One year, two months, and fifteen days. 

In some ways it felt like a ridiculously long time, and in other ways it felt like it flew by. Part of me felt like this part of the journey would take longer, it still feels a little surreal that it's over.

It's a weird feeling too, One that's hard to describe. We're approved, but we're not matched. We can't go out and start buying things for our future children - we don't know whether there will be one or two, girls or boys, or even what ages they'll be. There's no "Congratulations you're approved adoptive parents" greeting cards for people to buy us, no parties or showers. Not that people aren't excited for us, because they are. (So excited, especially Jonathan's mom.) But it's a weird limbo-like place we're in.

All that's left now is the wait. There are things we'll do while we wait (we still have multiple home renos on the go, and a pile of books about adoption) but there's no "next step." I've liked setting small goals, and having things to work towards. But that piece is done. And I think it's scaring me a little.

Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely thrilled to be where we are. I know that the process did move smoothly and fairly quickly for us, And I wouldn't change that for the world. But... I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say or how to put into words how I'm feeling right now. I think that's okay though. This is uncharted territory, and together Jonathan and I are going to figure out how to navigate through it. We might not be able to start picking out items for a nursery, but that doesn't mean we're not expectant parents. Every day we are one day closer to the day we get to meet our children.

This is our journey.

An update. (Finally!)

We are thisclose to being finished our home assessment. We have received the rough draft of our report from our social worker and it will be presented to her team on Tuesday, October 25th. For the majority of the assessment process I could comfortably say it wasn't as bad as people made it out to be. We did hit one snag, which is hard to explain, but it all ended up working out. We've read over the report, and it sounds like us. A couple minor things we'll ask her to change (like Jonathan's name being spelled wrong, something he's pretty used to!) but I believe that the report captures who we are. I'll be on pins and needles until after the 25th I think, but it's crazy to thing how close to the end we are!

We had our adoption photos taken a little over a month ago, and we absolutely love them. They were taken at Point Pleasant Park in Halifax by Melissa Harding Photography. Melissa was fantastic to work with, I would definitely recommend her to any one in our area looking to have photos taken. I posted most of them on Facebook, but here are a few of my favourites...

Once the report is complete and we're approved (which hopefully we will be!) the real waiting begins. Because we're looking for one or two children with relatively low-needs, our wait may be long. We have lots of projects to do around the house, so hopefully that will keep us from dwelling on it too much. :-) 

Hopefully I'll be posting on Tuesday to let you all know that we are officially approved! 

It's the little things.

One of the things I was looking forward to about being pregnant was maternity photos. I mean, they are absolutely the cutest. I love pictures, at least once a year I make Jonathan get professional portraits done with me to include in our Christmas cards. Do my friends and family REALLY need a picture of Jonathan, Daisy and I every year? Probably not. But I still do it. 

When we were still researching adoption, well before I made the initial call, I stumbled across a pin on Pinterest that was basically the equivalent of maternity photos. And I was, (of course!) completely in love with the idea. 

We decided it was probably a good idea to wait until we were actually APPROVED to have pictures done. And when I say "we," I mean Jonathan said we couldn't do it right away and we needed to wait until we were approved. And it made sense. So I had to tell him he was right. Which isn't my favourite thing to do... ;-)

Anyways, long story short, a couple weeks ago I decided that things seemed like they were wrapping up and that September would be a great time to have some pictures done. So I did it, I booked a photographer. Someone I've never used before, but someone who came highly recommended and whose work I really like. 

I can't wait for the session, and I can't wait to share the pictures with you all. 

PS: You can check out the photographer I'm using here. :-)

One year later.

A year ago yesterday I made the call that started us on this journey.

In some ways it feels like just yesterday, and in others it feels like it was a lifetime ago.

For the most part, I feel like the process has moved quickly for us. Quicker than I thought it would actually. I expected to be waiting longer to begin our P.R.I.D.E training and then I expected to be waiting longer to begin our home assessments. And I expected the home assessments to take longer too. (They're not quite finished, but the end is in sight.)

Jonathan and I spent this weekend at a small cottage right on the Bay of Fundy. We went for a long walk along the beach yesterday and talked a lot about this past year and about how we see our future unfolding. There was a time a few years back when we stopped talking about the future. Not our whole futures, but the part that included children. And even though the picture in my head of our children is probably not exactly accurate, Jonathan and I are once again having discussions about bedroom furniture (we saw the cutest bunk beds at Wheatons last week!), schools, childcare and all the little things we want to teach our kids.

The next part of the adoption process will probably be the longest, and in some ways the toughest. Once the home assessment is finished we're essentially done. We'll keep reading, and keep doing projects around the house, but there's no more steps to take. It just becomes a wait. It could be two months (like a couple from our P.R.I.D.E training group) or it could be years and years. But someday our children are coming home to us. And until they do, we'll keep talking about our future as a family. And I'll keep pointing out all the really expensive children's furniture that I want to buy them. ;-)

9 months + one.

Ten months ago Jonathan and I made the decision that would shape the rest of our lives.

We decided to adopt.

Many tears and much prayer and SO MUCH TALKING went into our decision. We are adopting domestically, we are hoping to adopt a pair of siblings 6 years old or younger.

Ten months have passed since we made that first phone call, throwing our names into the ring so to speak. Ten months. If we had been announcing a pregnancy at the same time as we announced our plans to adopt we would be holding our child now. We would have made a birth plan, picked out names, decorated a nursery, decided between cloth and disposable diapers and so much more. Most of these are things that we're not going to be able to do. Someone else is going to name our children, and they may even be out of diapers before they come home to us. And some days that makes me incredibly sad.

But I am going to teach my children to read, and print their names. We are going to teach them about love and about the Lord. We are going to talk to them about how they want their bedrooms decorated and create a room that reflects them and will be a haven for them. I am going to be the one cheering when they cross the stage at graduation and crying when they are walking down the aisle on their wedding day. I can already see Jonathan teaching them to ride a bike and hammer a nail. I am going to buy cute outfits and give good night kisses. We are going to take dorky family photos in matching outfits. My fridge is going to be covered in art work.

Ten months have passed, and I have no idea how much longer we'll be waiting. Things are moving forward right now, but at some point they'll pause again. And I'm okay with that. This is my journey, this is my path. Someday I'm going to be a mother.

An early Christmas present.

Jonathan and I made the decision to adopt around the middle of August 2015. It was a decision years in the making and one that we didn't make lightly. There were a lot of late night conversations, a lot of prayer, and a lot of tears. We know that this isn't going to be an easy process, and it's definitely not going to be a quick process. There is definitely going to be a lot of waiting. (After five years of trying to conceive, I think we're pretty good at waiting, but this is a whole new situation so it's really hard to say!)

During our intake interview (a quick phone call with a social worker) the process was explained in brief. After the intake interview would be an information session. After the information session would be a 9-week training course. After the training course would be the home assessment. And then after the home assessment would be the real wait. There was no time line for how long anything would take. The social worker who completed our intake interview told me that she didn't know of anyone who had waited for more than a year to get accepted into the training course, and during our information session they explained that the seats in the course were prioritized based on certain conditions. Based on our desire to adopt two children under the age of six we figured we were in for a bit of a wait. When we were being cautiously optimistic we hoped to hear something about our course mid/late February and when we were feeling less optimistic we expected we'd be starting our course in the early spring. 

A week before Christmas Eve I took a break from wrapping presents to quickly check my email and was completely shocked to find an email from community services inviting us to a training course. I actually couldn't even open the email - I handed my phone to Jonathan and told him to read it first. We were invited to a course beginning January 11th. 

That's today. 

We're attending our first session tonight, I'm scared and excited and a lot of other emotions that I don't even have names for yet. I'm looking forward to connecting with other families in our area who are in the same phase of this journey and I'm looking forward learning more about this process and about what to expect as our journey continues. But I know everything isn't going to be easy to hear, I know there are going to be heart breaking stories and scary stories shared in this course. And while I can't claim to be "excited" about that part, I know that it's necessary and so so so important to know as much as possible.

This journey is like nothing I've ever experienced, but I love knowing we're a little bit closer to bringing our children home.